Closing Out…

The final to do in the pile

I have started attending a weekly writing workshop. The setup is pretty straight forward, our teacher reads a quick article or excerpt or something that is a very rough theme for the day. We do a quick meditation. We get a prompt, a single word or a phrase, and then the clock starts ticking. We have 8 minutes to write on the prompt. It is a free writing exercise, just get that pen moving and don’t stop until the sand stops dropping through the hourglass. It is an extremely freeing way to write. No curating. No over thinking. No time to search for the “right” word. Just what comes out is what comes out.

The group is full of amazingly creative writers that I am so humbled to be next to each week. Like how the hell did I get accepted into this group full of people that have such a mastery of the written word? It has only been two weeks and I am already getting to understand them and their personalities through the words they read to me. It is such an intimate way to get to know someone and I am hungry for more time with all of them when we wrap up the hour and a half. More more more!!! And don’t even get me started on our teacher, Joy. Ugh, she is just a slice of heaven sent from a past life. I didn’t even realize I was missing her from this lifetime until she popped into my field a few weeks ago.

My last post was the first writing I did with Joy. Earlier this week we were emailing and I mentioned to her that I was about to head over to the phone store and give back David’s digital devices. I had finally closed all of that out and was ready to shut down that world. She suggested I write on it…or was that me who said I would write on it and she cheered me on? Doesn’t matter. She gave me the prompt and I set the 8 minutes and went to town. Below is the result of those minutes. When I feel like sharing an 8 minute prompt with y’all, I will post more.

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Prompt: Closing out….

Everything must go. That was the previous prompt that got me going. Today I’m closing it all out. I just finished the endless data transfer from my dead husband’s digital life. All the pictures, videos, text messages, notes….a small universe of memories he used to carry in his pocket. Now that the task of collecting all that information and dropping it into a drive is done, I have the pleasure of going to AT&T and turning off his devices. A return to sender kinda moment.

I have been paying for his phone and watch for over a year because I couldn’t bring myself to turn it all off – to close it all out. I mean, he had a 310 area code like me! They don’t just give those out anymore! But why was it so important to hang on to that?

I’m done with hanging on to things that truly serve no purpose. That phone and watch weren’t able to reach him any longer, it’s not like a “Are you there god? It’s me Margaret.” kinda moment happening.

Closed it all out today. I have let go of his belongings and that digital belonging felt like the last straw. Is that the phrase I’m wanting to use?

Closed it all out – just the physical form of it all is gone. Now I can only rely on my memories and the moments in meditation to connect to him. What a trip! My soulmate is finally gone from my life in all ways except via my heart. I didn’t think I’d get to this stage so quickly. One year and one month plus a few days.

Closing out of an era of my life to allow me to step into the next generation of me. Here goes….hope this next me is even more full of life….